Cath, etc.

Cue Hallelujah Chorus

Image Credit

Today is the day I get my life back.

Surgery on my shoulder will occur at high noon. Cue western whistle.

I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily giddy about it, because I will have to endure a different kind of pain in order to get said life back, but as surgeries go, this one's got some high hopes attached to it. Cue "High Hopes."

Here's an explanation of what's going to happen to me today. Cue dooms day "dun, dun, dunnnn."

If all goes well, I'll be in a sling for two weeks followed by a relatively quick rehabilitation. Cue happy crowd.

If the surgeon discovers tears which need repair, then I'm in a more elaborate sling for at least 4 weeks followed by a much more involved rehabilitation. Cue disappointed crowd.

So obviously we're hoping for no tears. Cue happy crowd once again.

The bottom line is that I am, eventually, going to be well again.

Which, after 6 1/2 months of pain and limited mobility has not been a known eventuality, and the greatest gift I could possibly be given on this day. Cue Hallelujah Chorus.

Sweet Sixteen

I went to the ocean.

Drew in its salty air, its scent like a portal to birth.

Slept soundly in crisp, white sheets and woke early, bathed in sunshine.

Steeped my feet in the sand and scuffed them, like an emery board on winter.

Lost myself in the past and hoped for the future.

All while savoring the intense goodness of this man:

...as we celebrated our journey, now sixteen years long.

Re-born and rife with untold potential in this new landscape.

Every kiss a promise. Each day a gift.

 

It's been a very sweet sixteen.

Celebrating a Milestone

I've been at Paper Crafts magazine for five years now. Help me celebrate by clicking here.

15 Things: Nicole's Big News

1.  Her exit strategy was delivered by the UPS man just last week.

2.  One of our inspiring daughters, Nicole, has been accepted to graduate school!

3.  In Toronto.

4.  That's the Toronto in Ontario, Canada, where she'll be precisely 1,916.83 miles from our doorstep.

5.  She's not just out of the nest, she's flyin' the gall durned coop.

6.  And it's time. Really it is.

7.  We know this.

8.  We are over-the-moon happy for her. Over the moon!

9.  And proud as peacocks that we have a kid going to graduate school. We've got a kid going to graduate school!

10.  But I'm not sleeping at night and doubled over with gut aches wondering what I'm going to do without the light she brings to my life.

11. Knowing that Skype and email and unlimited text and bottomless long distance will make this easier than it has ever been before. And we're always looking for new places to vacation.

12. Knowing equally that there's nothing quite like hangin' out in the living room, each in her favorite chair, gabbing over a cuppa tea with laughter and tears and anger and frustration and joy ringing in the rafters. Ringing in the everloving rafters!

13. Inevitably followed by a hug with a squeeze and a kiss on the forehead. Love you, Bud.

14. Making me wonder--

15.  How does anyone ever survive the roller coaster that is parenthood?

...and will I?

My Christmas Card to You

As winter kisses silent nights
And kitchens spill with sweet delights
As children fill with wonder by
The magic in a starlit sky

As neighbors knock to spread good cheer
And friendship deepens through the year
As strangers unto others give
So kindness, faith, and love can live

In hearts and souls of every man
We hold each other by the hand
And know the endless, bounteous worth
Of goodwill t'wards men and peace on earth.
  

Merry Christmas, blogfriend!
May joy be yours this holiday season
and throughout the coming new year!

With all my love,
~Cath

46 Eve

Tomorrow makes 46. Born just five days before Christmas, I was sent home from the hospital in a stocking and my parents lovingly placed me under the tree. I was their only Christmas present that year.

I have always felt like a gift to them. And I thank them for that.

But I'm not gonna lie. 46 feels exactly like I'm slilding into 50 and there's no doubt I've been going through a mid-life crisis.

And I don't care if 50 is the new 40 I still wake up in the middle of the night with my pulse racing in the dead center of a panicky feeling that it's really much later than I think. And I know I've said it before, but it's a feeling that grips me like ice in my chest--a reminder that I need to be doing more.

Reading more. Writing more. Creating more. Contributing more. Mattering more.

Enjoying more.

I have taken some such measures. Going part-time in May was a huge step towards meaning more in my private life while still feeling like I matter in my professional one.

I'm paying more attention to my body so that with each passing year I will age better than I did the last. To a point, that is. I realize this.

Accepting that it's OK to embrace my life post-megamom and to really accept that the best way to love my daughters is to let them fly away into the sun.

Nope. Not q-u-i-t-e there yet. 

And like those who have slid into 50 before me, I'm starting to take on attitudes that I wouldn't have considered in the past.

The biggest change? Letting go of things I can't control. Setting down the worry. After 23 long years of parenting--4 1/2 of which I did on my own-- it's time to start freaking out less. I mean seriously. How about not feeling completely responsbile for every last event, situation, or emotion? Seriously.

Remembering that it's enough to be responsible for myself. On the best of days.

Luxuriating in the idea that I only have to be responsible for myself--and that those are, indeed, the best of days.

Recognizing that I'm still sorting out my toxic childhood, as I knew I always would--some new light being shed  just in these past weeks. It had always been there, I just hadn't put the pieces together, quite.

And maybe it's way past time to be finished with all of that business anyway.

In favor of spending more time discovering, investigating, giving.

Setting down my fears in favor of yoga, volunteering, running.

Changing myself from the inside out so that the idea of a tropical vacation with my husband in February brings a twinkle to my eye and a lilt in my step, even when considering the fact that I'll be in a swimsuit.

In public.

46? I think I'm gonna love you. 

Twenty-One

When I look into your eyes I see my own
And yet you see a world I've never known

When I listen to your heart I read its sound
It echoes heartfelt truths not long-since found

When I touch your hair the past is mine to hold
As youthful dreams inspire as they unfold

When I see you choosing paths that bring you truth
I'm bolstered by the strength that lives in you 

When I feel your happy energy nearby
You nudge me into giving my reply

Which lifts me to a place where joy resides
Where love and laughter merrily collide

For you are more than I could ever seek
A daughter, friend, a treasure so unique

And though today you're turning twenty-one
Your metamorphosis has just begun.

For now you know your wings were always there
You've put them on--stretch out, they will take air.

All my love to you this day,
Mom

It's a Blogiversary Party in the Moxie Fab World--and You're Invited!

Thursday of this week will mark the blogiversary of the Moxie Fab World, the blog I host for Paper Crafts magazine.

It's been one of the most fun projects I've ever worked on and I've made a ton of new friends in the journey. Maybe you're one of them. :)

I'm still pinching myself when I think that I actually get paid to find trendy inspiration and write bippy posts for my readers.

And while I know that you, dear blogfriend, might not be a paper crafter, I did want to let you know that as part of our blogiversary celebration, I'm giving away 12 b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l holiday projects created by some of the most talented paper crafters in the industry today.

And I'm talking b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l.

All you have to do is hop on over and leave a comment in order to be eligible to win.

So drop on by! I'll be the one with the funny hat on. I hope to see you there!

The Gathering of Leaves

Strewn about the yard, the leaves that sprouted in early spring, created shade at the height of summer, and transformed magically as autumn ripened, await their burial. Dust to dust, earth to earth, it is a ceremony as full of ritual as any in my life.

For is there any observance so pleasant as the gathering of the leaves...

on days when sunshine is in abundance...

...and there are happy, resilient flowers to keep you company as you toil?

When, out of breath, your body responding to the aerobic benefit of your work, you look above and see the forgotten silhouettes of the trees whose tending you now nurture, realizing this new cleanliness will provide the backdrop to the landscapes of the winter months to come?

There is a rhythm to this work that I cherish.  There is a reverence for this transition that is sacred. There is a sensuousness that rises from deep inside as I sweep their crisp bodies into piles with my rake, scoop their fragrant forms into their plastic coffins, and wait as more sever their ties from their tree-homes in the twittering breeze.

For it is the ultimate signal that much is coming to an end. The superlative metamorphosis from life towards death.  And yet, there is much beauty in the brisk clarity that is November, in the soft snowflakes of winter,  in the sleep that will deliver us unto spring.

But for now we measure progress by swatches of green...

 

by depth of color...

...and by ratios of branch to leaf:

 

Knowing that we must participate fully in this work...

 ...in this solemn celebration 

 ...of life, and death, and the connective seasons from which we are born.

I've Been Blissfully Lost in Summer

We celebrated this girl's patriotic birthday at the ballpark:

The Birthday Girl, Nicole

Barty & Beccah

Who are these people?

Waiting for the fireworks on the field

I've hiked more than I have in years:

The Grove on Clark's Trail in Corner Canyon, two minutes from my house

The view near the top

A newly installed fence

I've been devouring the fresh vegetables from our CSA, joyful of the fact that my carrots have tops:

I've been having a love affair with arugula making recipes like these:

Goat Cheese & Arugula Over Penne

Penne with Beef & Arugula

Carmelized Onion Pizza with Gorgonzola & Arugula

Posing for pictures at work like these:

I've written 21 blog posts this month alone in the Moxie Fab World (four of which have not yet gone live.)

We watched the Draper Days Parade go by our house with good friends, letting "Parade Cath" out for the first time in four years (CHA Summer has fallen on this weekend since I started working at Paper Crafts):

Megan, Jennafer, Susan, Brandy, & Dave

 Brandy & Dave

 Megan & Jennafer (or is that Jennafer & Megan?)

 Barty & Beccah

Apparently, we let "Parade Mark" out every now then as well:

And all the while, Tuesday Night Picnics have become my new favorite thing:

 I hope your summer is going as well.

_{Thanks to Susan R. Opel for sharing some of her parade photos.}