Cath, etc.

Miles and Miles

I'm not gonna lie, the stress that is involved in the journey that lies ahead is currently so thick you could slice it with a knife.

I am once again hit with the mind-boggling notion that even good change is extraordinarily difficult. To whit:

1. We got an offer on our house. It happened just six little weeks after we put it on the market--and two days after my last post. In this economy, that is nothing short of a miracle. We feel lucky and blessed, as well as frightened, sad, and overwhelmed. And yes, I did bury the statue of St. Joseph that my sister-in-law's mom sent to us. (Thanks, Rose!) I placed him upside-down in the soil in the front yard facing my own house, and two days later it sold. I'm not Catholic, nor am I superstitious, but I'll take it.


2. If the contract holds, we have to be out of our house by November 30. At this point the gravity of it all hit us hard, dead in the gut, and we realized how many good-byes we have to say, how much work we have to do, and how difficult it is going to be to leave our family and friends, our beloved house, and our mountains behind.


3. Then came the price wrangling. Did we get what we were hoping for? No. (We didn't even ask what we were "hoping" for.) Did we get something that is reasonable in this disparaging market? Yes. Will it help us avoid what our realtor calls "the dead zone"--you know, that time just before Thanksgiving and after New Year's when no one wants to sell or buy or do anything other than celebrate? Yes. Will it be enough to get us into our dream house in New Hampshire? Yes.


4. Next came the question: What to offer for the second time in New Hampshire? The answer is the same thing we offered the first time in New Hampshire, except this time our house is under contract. Big fat huge major difference.


5. Just as we were preparing those documents, and at the exact same time that our house in Draper was being inspected, we found out that another party was about to make an offer on the house in New Hampshire. Quick, we had to decide what our very best offer was going to be. And not just our very best offer, but the offer that would get us into this amazing house that we love. Which was, as you can guess, much higher than we were planning.


6. At which point I realized just how much I loathe the process of buying and selling a house. I have never done this before and I pretty much don't want to do it again for a very, very long time. Ahem. Make that never.


7. We put in our offer, the fax pages flying everywhere, one after the other being fed into the machine on their journey to our potential future. And the wait began, all the while not knowing what "issues" our own house had and whether or not there will be any costly repairs, or heaven forbid, deal breakers. Not the least of which could have been our buyer seeing the piles and piles of leaves that our 90-foot cottonwood tree had dropped just the night before.


8. Only to discover the next day, which was this morning, that there are now three players vying for the house in New Hampshire. Aiy yiy yiy!


9. Then we learned that Beccah will not be able to join us in New Hampshire for Christmas because she has two jobs now and can't get the time off. Nicole immediately offered to stay here with her, which I love, but it's bad enough that we are moving away and now we don't get the holidays either?


10. All the while we move from room to room, remembering the young family that filled its walls with joy and laughter 15 long years ago. A bride and the groom who married a family. The six- and eight-year-old little girls who needed tucking into their beds every night. The beloved dog that joined us a few months later who is no more. The gift of time that went into its warm remodel and its inviting landscaping. The cherished conversations. The crazy dancing. The baking of pies. The music played. The books discussed. The lessons learned.

The love that grew.

Change upsets the balance of things. It tips the scales, and that which is displaced must find its way back to stasis. To quote one of my favorite poets, Robert Frost:

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.

Miles...and miles...and miles.

I Love

...meandering through tulips, the soft-as-butter petals like a kaleidoscope closing as the day grows long.

...dreaming of my father, his brief visits a portal to when he loved me. 

...whispering good night to my ol' pal, Scout. Folded in quiet darkness, I pet him gently in his favorite spots, saying this will be the time that I will miss the most.

...April snowstorms that do not stick.

...the smell of yeast. The warmth of rising dough. The rhythm in kneading. The intrinsic goodness of home-baked bread.

...waking up lighter than the day before.

...unexpected hugs at the kitchen sink.

...the calm in morning.

...the treasure of a day with clarity.

...feeling Debussy under my fingers at the piano.

...drifting off to sleep, wondering what the next day will bring.

... oh, and diving deep down on a list and just chomping on it mashing it to bits not just crossing ticks off one by one but really masticating it good and chewy like you would a Powerbar followed by that singularly reluctant chunky swallow. Like I did today.

Yeah, that.

They Used to Be Called Pompons

Blue Tissue Flower Pom-Poms from Martha Stewart Crafts

I don't know about you, but I'm fascinated by the evolution of language. I mean at what point did we stop speaking Middle English and exchange it for words like postsantum depression in the Urban Dictionary? Hilarious I might add.

I mean, I had to memorize the General Prologue from the Canterbury Tales  by Geoffery Chaucer and recite it in front of my AP English class when I was a senior in high school. In fact, I can still remember the first two lines (OK, I had to look up the spellings):

Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote The droghte of March hath perced to the roote We read as many "tales" as we could take, I'm sure, and all in this ancient rhyme. On to the language of Shakespeare, Jane Austen, even Mark Twain, and we could barely figure out what everyone was talking about  at any given time. So today, when I had to write the word "pompon" in a blog post I was writing for work, I said to myself No one in their right mind calls them pompons anymore. What kind of a git will I be if I spell it correctly? Then I remembered that we had even changed the antiquated pompon to pom-pom in the Paper Crafts style guide recently. As it so happens, paper crafters use a lot of bitty pom-poms in their projects, so this has been a troublesome issue when writing supply lists and instructions for the magazine. So I thought, OK, if Paper Crafts  can say pom-pom, and even the venerable Martha Stewart is using pom-pom, then surely I can too? I know, right? But it made me wonder--where am I getting the sense that pompon is outdated and pom-pom is its more contemporary independent liberal sister? In other words, how does language change and why? And who gets to decide what changes are OK? As in, why did it used to be one pair for the singular, and two pairs for the plural and now it's just peachy keeno fine to say two pair? It's even listed in the dictionary as correct. It's the second option, but it's correct. Drives me batty, I tell ya. Or when did that rule about never ending a sentence with a prepostion get tossed out? I can't stand to end sentences with a preposition. I'm still writing sentences like this: I am amazed at the state in which we have found ourselves. No way I could ever say I am amazed at the state we have found ourselves in. Yuck! I get heebie jeebies all over my body. And yet, when I write or talk that way, I feel and sound so formal. So git-ish. I could go on and on, and I'm sure at various points I will. But really the amazing thing is the debate we can have over one little letter variation (plus a hyphen) in a word. Pompon. Seriously?

As of Today

 

...I've lost ten pounds in my quest to lose the muffin top.

...I'm basking in the joy of a lovely lunch with my mom at our favorite spot, The Oaks up Ogden Canyon.

...I've read 118 pages of this engaging book.

...I've thought about the fact that I'm getting older, waking up with a start and the dreadful knowledge that it's really much later than I think.

...I've been taken aback by my almost 14-year-old pup, his deafness now so profound that he no longer stirs when we approach him while he's sleeping. A behavior that is the newest symptom in his aging decline and one which is very difficult to bear.

...I made a chocolate chip zucchini cake, the second delicious one of the season.

...we enjoyed an evening with Nicole as she discussed health care reform and her hand-me-down Roomba with equal passion. A delight we will not soon forget.

...we went to a fantastic party in which we met some amazing people, drank the best mojitos we have ever had, and watched the moon rise over the mountain while the lights of the city twinkled brightly below. Thanks Dale and Joy!

...I met Marty, a Paper Crafts fan, at the fantastic party. She recognized me from my column (such a thrill for me!) and we became fast friends.

...I've watched the geese make their sunset flights over the cottonwood tree, their downy underbellies glowing with the golden rays, their wings swishing overhead as they glide west.

What have you been up to as of today?

I Am

 

...7.5 pounds lighter today thanks to this new plan and working out hard for 6 out of 7 days this week. After five days of wonky etchedoutedness I decided to switch to 1/2 a pill and feel much, much more like myself again. Yet I'm still not hungry. At all. This is a very strange feeling. But I'll take it.

...happy to report that I've switched to decaf because of having to give up caffeine for said new plan. I discovered that it is the ritual of coffee that I love: hearing it brew, smelling its rich aroma, choosing a favorite mug, measuring out the cream, pouring the hot, steamy goodness into my cup, and doing the same for my husband. To sit and sip, knees touching, pondering the day--it is not to be done without.

...clinging to summer, wringing out each dew-dropped moment, not quite yet willing  to acknoweldge that fall is coming as mornings grow chilly and pumpkins ripen on the vine. And though school bells will ring and the geese have returned to their fields, I am savoring the sweetness of peach, the quench of watermelon, the crunch of corn,  the aroma of basil, and admonishing the daily invitation to live on the porch, walk in the glory that is morning, and harvest the earthy scent of late summer.

 ...giddy with joy that my co-worker and friend, Brandy, and her handsome husband, Dave, are expecting their first child.

...ecstatic beyond measure that my dear friend Jennafer has been promoted to editor-in-chief of Creating Keepsakes magazine, a position for which she is not only extremely qualified and perhaps more to the point, ready; but one in which she will make a huge contribution.

...settling in to the rhythm established by the new owners of our magazine, New Track Media. There is more hope on the horizon than there's been on that front for many a moon--something that I have not been able to talk about here or anywhere. Suffice it to say, I am sleeping better than I've slept in ages. Life is good here. Very good.

...grateful for the cool rain we had this morning, the promise of a good book to read, and the blessings that come from a life fully lived with good friends, a fun job, a loving family, and a husband who lifts me higher than the sky is wide. 

Photos of this balloon as it floated near our home one Saturday: my husband, Mark

15 Things

...I found in Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony this evening:

1. Tears of joy in the listening

2. Memories of myself sprawled on the floor, volume high, candles lit, letting the music wash over me, healing me, in the months post separation

3. from my band director husband with whom I had shared so much music, literally and figuratively

4. remembering Sundays at home on Burch Creek Drive where it was nothing but classical music on the stereo, my band director dad's passion for music spilling into the family. Stravinsky, Strauss, Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Webern, Shostakovich, Chopin, they all were members of our family

5. realizing that I haven't been able to listen to Strauss's Don Quixote since his death. Wondering if it's time to give it a try

6. yearning to be connected to music again having not played my clarinet longer than I haven't played the piano

7. remembering the promise I made my band director Grandpa Max on his death bed that I would play the clarinet that he passed down to me

8. feeling unworthy of his gift, knowing that music would find its way back into my life sometime, somehow, but not as of yet, and wondering if it's time to allow it re-entry

9. while at the same time feeling overwhelmed with the commitments I already have but knowing deep down in my heart of hearts that music is a part of my soul how much longer can I keep ignoring its powerful call?

10. thinking how much it would rejuvenate me to embrace it again,

11. and as Mark  joins me on the couch with two glasses of Clos du Bois merlot, the fire in front of us, the music all around us

12. my all-or-nothing self realizes that even just the listening of it is a powerful tether,

13. though it wouldn't hurt to play a little Debussy on the piano every now and then

14. and as the evening progresses, as we add Rachmaninoff's 2nd Piano Concerto and Variations on a Theme of Paganini to the program, refilling the glasses of wine,

15. I drink it all in like a thirsty deserter who has stumbled upon a bountiful oasis, phrase by phrase, swallow by swallow, and breath by everlasting breath.

Every Third Wednesday

 Top row, left to right: Jeanne, Nan, Staci, and Judy. Bottom row, left to right: Karen, Jennafer, Mary Ann, and Yours Truly. Missing from photo: Marilyn

...for seven years now, I've hosted a Classics Book Club in my home.

We read classic books from all eras, cultures, and authors. We gather, we discuss (much more than just books), we eat delicious desserts, we drink good wine (well, some of us do), and we laugh.

In December, we share a potluck meal together, we do a blind book exchange, and we discuss the books we'd like to read the following year. We don't read a book for December, but tackle an epic between the November discussion and our January meeting. Right now we're reading Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie which we'll discuss on the 21st of this month.

Each year we choose a new list of books. I'm super excited about this year's list:

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskill

 Family Matters by Rohinton Mistry

Gabriel's Gift by Hanif Kureishi

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

If On a Winter's Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino

Out of Africa by Isak Dinesen

Animal,  Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver

March by Geraldine Brooks

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, first third

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, second third

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, last third

There are many things that I love about this book club, not the least of which is the great group of women who attend faithfully month after month. They are some of my dearest friends. But this book club gets me reading, keeps me connected to beautiful writing, inspires me through all that there is to learn through literature, and allows me to share it with people who care about good books as much as I do.

If you've ever considered joining a book club, or starting one, I highly recommend it. It's easy to put off reading as we try to keep up with work, our kids, the house, the pets, the yard, and with all the entertainment choices offered on TV and the Internet.

But for me, reading a good book is like drinking an elixir that sends me to another place in space and time, and yet it grounds me in a deeper part of myself that is crucial to my well-being. To discuss it with trusted friends helps me see the story from other perspectives besides my own which usually elevates it beyond my own experience--which is exactly where the magic happens.

Besides, maybe all we really need is a deadline. If you've got to have it read by a certain date and everyone is meeting at your house so it's impossible for you to bail--well now, that's some serious motivation.

For a look at the list of books we've read in the last seven years, click here.

Happy reading--and happy book clubbing, as the case may be!

15 Things: The Year in Review

 

_{Calendar from SuzyJack* Contemporary Paper Goods}

1. I travelled to Anaheim in January, Tennessee in March, New York City in May, New Hampshire in May and October, St. Anthony in June, Chicago in July, Sun Valley in August, and St. George in September.
2. Mark's mom had a hip replacement in March and broke her elbie-bone in November.
3. Mark's brother, Mike, picked up his life in Florida and relocated to Tennessee.
4. I started this blog on April 23 and have written 179 posts.
5. Nicole graduated from college, moved in with us in August, and moved out yesterday.
6. Megan, Stacy, Neko,and Kimberly left Paper Crafts; Susan, Jennifer, and Matt came on board.
7. My ex-husband survived a stroke while travelling in Brazil and Nicole gave up 3 weeks of her life to help her little sisters in Tennessee.
8. Beccah quit school, moved in with her boyfriend, and is going to school again next semester.
9. My brother, Larry, got divorced.
10. Baraq Obama was elected President of the United States.
11. Mark's Aunt Chuckie died and my cousin, Camille, died.
12. I started the Moxie Fab World blog.
13. I lost a total of 24 pounds.
14. I went from being able to ride 15 minutes  on the elliptical on the lowest resistance setting to being able to ride 80 plus minutes at the highest level of resistance.
15. I read 8 short stories and 13 books.

I am

• Grateful for the good
• Respectful of the bad
• Happy to be alive and well
• Eager to ring in the new year!

May 2009 bring us all health, happiness, love, and laughter!

Happy New Year blogfriends!

I Am Trying to Live a Sustainable Life

   

_{Photo Credit}

A week ago today, Mark and I finished an eight-week class on sustainability that was hosted by our darling daughter, Nicole, through her work for the Utah Society for Environmental Education.

Through the readings and the discussions, I learned a lot about myself and what it really means to live a sustainable life.

On the cover of our discussion booklet there is a quote:

The character of a society is the cumulative result of the countless small actions, day in and day out, of millions of people. ~ Duane Elgin

While this statement can be appropriately applied to all kinds of situations, it works especially nicely for sustainability. For to commit to a sustainable life, one has to believe in the Power of One.

For it is through the cumulative Power of One that we can nurture this home that gives us life.

What can I say about this very large topic in one little blog post? What can little-old-me say about this most giant of issues that lies at the heart of our very survival?

I suppose that in the spirit of the Power of One I can say...

• that I didn't put up as many Christmas lights outside this year as last year.
• that we bought a free-range turkey from a local farmer for Thanksgiving--the best I have ever tasted in my life.
• that I now buy organic fruits, vegetables, and dairy products almost exclusively.
• that I now always wash our clothes in cold water and I try to only run the washer every other week.
• that I've started to buy soaps and detergents that are eco-friendly.
• that I now buy coffee that is certified free-trade, organic, and shade-grown.
• that I will buy no more gift wrap, using reusable gift containers instead.
• that I've reduced my consumption of meat significantly.
• that I'm doing my best to buy what I need, not just what I want. I am richer for it, in more ways than one, but this is, by far, the most difficult challenge--especially at Christmastime.

Next on my list:

• Composting.
• Swapping out my incandescent light bulbs for flourescents.
• Replacing paper napkins with cloth.
• Recycling glass.
• Buying recycled toilet paper. (That's toilet paper made from recycled paper. Hello.)
• Writing more about my journey towards living a greener life.

I can also say that I know that this is a voyage that will last the rest of my life. As I give up one thing and replace it with another, greener, way, I will adjust and be ready for the next. Just like my desire to be younger next year, I'd like to be greener next year as well. I've already made vast improvements from the last.

How 'bout you? How do you feel about sustainability? Is it important to you to live a green life? Why or why not? What things do you do, if any, to be kind to Mother Earth? What are the obstacles you've encountered along the way? Are there things that were easier to give up than others? What are the benefits? I'd love to hear your take on this, no matter what shade of green you are today.

15 Things

1. Dutifully called the Third District Court after 5 on Friday to determine if I would have to report for jury duty tomorrow. That's a negative, but I'll be sure and avoid contempt of court charges by calling again tomorrow to see if Tuesday's a go. I received my Jury Summons with dread, as work is impossibly crazy right now. Is there ever a convenient time to perform our civic duty? Truth be told, I actually think it would be an interesting experience, but I'm not wishing for it. I'll keep you posted.
2. Ordered Chinese and watched two episodes of  CSI on On Demand followed by Christmas Vacation.
3. Hiked a 6.5-mile loop in Corner Canyon in high-40's beautiful winter blue-sky weather, grateful for every step of such a late-season opportunity.
4. Hot-tubbed afterward to sooth my weary bones.
5. Was thrilled that the toenail I smashed in June finally fell off when I clipped it to reveal a disfigured, but healthy, little nubbin underneath.
6. Went on a Christmas shopping  date with my handsome husband in which we
7. drove by La Caille to see their stunning decorations
8. on the way to a more reasonably priced restaurant in which we shared a romantic meal and a creme brulee.
9. Sent out e-mails for the Crazy Cousins Christmas Caroling Convention sticking to my desire to simplify the season by not making handmade invitations.
10. Watched The Long Kiss Goodnight (great movie!) while we
11. joyfully listened to the raucous laughter downstairs as Nicole, Beccah, and some good friends watched Elf  and played Yahtzee.
12. Woke up and got ready for our 23rd annual Ornament Shopping Trip that began when Nicole was first born and has continued every year ever since. This includes
13. singing Christmas carols in the car,
14. eating breakfast out,
15. and shopping for a new ornament for the tree.

A wonderfully relaxing weekend celebrating the season with my family.

It doesn't get much better than this.