The Innocence in Sleep

To save my marriage, I started sleeping with earplugs.

Mark has chronic allergies. We knew it wasn't a good sign when he sneezed hundreds of times on the day we moved into our home. Literally. He thought his ribs were broken by the day's end. After a trip to the allergist's office and a ridiculously itchy and pustular series of scratch tests later, we found that he's allergic to absolutely everything that grows in our neck of the woods in addition to dust and mold.

That's like everything that exists in the world.

For my part, I am extraordinarily sensitive to noise. And I mean on the level of utter ridiculousness. I can't read or write if there's a speck of noise around me. I am insanely and quite unreasonably irritated by loud gum-chewing and/0r popping, the flicking sound of fingernail-picking, fidgety noises of any and all types and varieties, and if you're unwrapping a piece of candy clothed in cellophane at an arts event within  my earshot, you may just want to brace yourself for the intensity of crusty looks I'm going to throw your way until you stop.

And since I'm laying it all out on the table here, I have been, on many occasions, referred to as the nasal Nazi.

As in, if someone has a stuffy nose, I am through the roof. Especially when there's all that wheezing going on at dinnertime. Please, people. Deal with your boogers before the swallowing begins.

So, 'round about the time when my girls got to be high schoolers with curfews and I started sleeping even lighter than I had since the days they were born, the whistling, popping, snoring, and wheezing that was my poor husband's attempt to sleep through the night brought our marriage close to nuclear annihilation.

He had a decongestant. And a nasal spray. And a sinus rinse. But he hated them. And they weren't always effective. If he remembered to take them.

On sleepless nights I would listen to him wheeze and snap and pop, and in my frustration, wonder if he'd taken his meds. The next morning came the inevitable grilling. If he hadn't taken his meds, then it meant that he didn't love me enough to remember. If he had, then I would feel guilty about the questions and even worse about the sleep I was continually losing.

It became, at the very least, a touchy subject.

Until the day I realized that I could sleep with earplugs. Not that purple kind made out of latex because those just make my ears itch to the point where I'd consider cutting them right off, but the white foamish kind that blank out all sound, enveloping me in a cocoon of silence that belongs just to me.

Marriage saved.

But then, last night, I woke up for no good reason whatsoever and was having a hard time falling back to sleep. Mark had been tossing and turning as well. So, I took out my earplugs to see if he was awake. It was then that I heard it. The peaceful rhythm of his sleepy breath, in and out, in and out. Calm and deep, he filled his lungs which nourished his heart which sustained his life while I imagined the untold dreams that splashed like watercolors on the insides of his eyelids. I nuzzled in closer and listened, really listened, the warmth of his face and the curve of his arms like a shelter. In and out. In and out. And in and out.

The sound of sleep. The thread of life. The primal gift.

I can't give up my earplugs. But I can remember to listen to the innocence in sleep.

Comments

[kristi o]

this is a great post. Thanks for telling it like it is... and also for reminding us to find the peace in the everyday. i needed to read this today.

[Christine]

Beautiful story! But I'm with you on dealing with the boogers before you swallow. People think I'm insane for having this pet peeve, but OMG, it's so gross!!! *giggle*

Blessings,
Christine

[Michelle in Boise]

This is awesome. I'm a little OCD/anal/whatever about sounds...irritating sounds...that continue....and gross me out...that make me think things I don't want to think.
I love the way you write about your family - so sweet...so much of you...so much love; just beautiful.

[Vanessa Menhorn]

Thank you! I am not the only one irritated by those sounds! Love how you express your thoughts...

[Julie Campbell]

What a beautiful post. You can write about sneezing and allergies... and even THAT sounds good coming from you. LOL! But in all seriousness... great post.

[genevieve]

Beautiful post, I really enjoyed reading it :)

[Molly Martin]

I, too, found ear plugs several years ago...what a Godsend! I am totally with ya on that one.

Oh, and huge and noisy nose blowing episode at dinner...in a restaurant...at the table? Yeah, I am glaring!

~Molly

[Kelley Eubanks]

Oh my goodness... I hee hawed (that southern talk for laughed a lot) when I read your post... my husband has made me into the person I am today... one who hates any kind of irritating noise and he happens to be the worst at it! He always picks his fingernails and it drives me insane. My parents also make the oddest noises with their mouths... hate long driving trips with them. Too funny!!

[jo]

Funny how noises that you "hear" bother you so much more than noises that you "make".

[Deb Swanson]

I just stumbled upon your site tonight and started reading this post. I cant tell you what a relief it was to find out there are other hypersonic sensitive people. I have a rep amoung fam and friends for being hyper nose and also EVERYTHING noisy irritates me.. Its the clearing of the throat people do, the sniffing back their snot. I just want to scream and say GET A KLEENEX AND BLOW!!! and the other thing is I also have discovered the marriage savers.. earplugs. I used them on retreats or vacations when I have to share a room with other girls also. They are keep me sane for years.. But the over the top solution is to put noise cancellation headphones on! Now we are talking. When I am up and trying to do concentrating things I just slip these on and I am in my own little quiet cocoon.
Here's to kindred spirits..
Debbie