Changes

_{Photo Credit}

...are shifting the balance in my life.

Again.

Nicole has found herself a cute little studio apartment in Sugarhouse, a hip suburb in our fair city. Tonight will likely be her last night as a resident in our home.

It's the way of things.

She needs her space. We need ours. I never realized how accustomed Mark and I had gotten to our empty nest. After never having had time alone as a couple before we got married, we've fallen into an easy, comfortable, and quite wonderful groove.

She is a little hesitant, not knowing if she's going to enjoy living alone. I am a little jealous, never having had that kind of time to myself before I became a wife the first time around. But so happy for her--my sweet career girl with her now bike-to-able job and her little walk-to-able community and her quaint little apartment with an extra room surrounded by windows and a patio off the front where she'll grow her herbs and tomatoes.

We will miss her.

Beccah has moved in with her boyfriend of two years. They're living in the basement of his sister's house 45 minutes away. She's learning all kinds of things about life and relationships, love and compromise. And so am I, because she is teaching me--my sweet creative daughter so full of life and love and happiness in her basement roost with a plush couch and his and hers sides of the living room--one side for art, the other for guitars.

We miss her.

Our other child of thirteen years--Scout, the dog--is showing some stark, tell-tale signs of age, just in the last couple of weeks. His ability to hear has diminished as he doesn't respond to his name when you talk to him just a few feet away and he no longer comes scurrying when he hears a morsel of food drop to the floor. He's losing control of his bladder and his back legs. He doesn't want to catch the frisbee anymore. We discovered today that the blood tests the vet ran last week show signs of renal insufficiency. We discuss the ramifications with her tomorrow.

We will miss him when it's time.

For in this process of paths unfolding, we lose our children for a time. They become unfamiliar to us perhaps because they are unfamiliar to themselves. Until, as directions are chosen, followed to a dead-end or a shining opportunity, paths correct themselves and a balance is achieved in which, like Goldilocks, everyone recognizes intuitively that the desitination feels harmoniously ideal.

And so, soon we'll find that Nicole is happy living alone or not. We'll find that Beccah is happy living with her boyfriend or not. And we'll find what's in store for Scout, the most magnificent family dog.

Change is inevitable. It is the one thing we can count on in this life.

And through it all, Mark and I cling to each other, knowing that we are the one thing we can count on as the world swirls around us and changes take place that are beyond our control.

I am lucky to have him. We are lucky to have each other, ever knowing full well that even that could change on a dime.

Comments

[Marilyn Moore]

I loved reading about your changes and your ideas about change. Your daughters really are in a transient position in their lives that could direct them in a number of ways. Been there--done that (with lots of worry and hope added in).

[travelinoma]

You say things so beautifully. Were you ever an English teacher???

[Melissa Phillips]

Big hugs Cath. You are such a wonderful mom and have given you daughters the sweetest gift...that of them knowing that you will love them always. Don't you worry...they will continue to need you now just as much as they always have...maybe even more.
Sorry to hear about you pup...so hard to watch, isn't it?
Melis

[M2E2G@aol.com]

Change isn't always easy, but it most often brings good. I hope you find happiness and peace in your current changes. My thoughts are with you and your sweet pup!

Happy New Year, dear friend!