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August 05, 2008


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I love the last paragraph of this post. I have memories that wander in unexpectedly, and others that just jump out at me like a ghost in a quiet hallway. I've found myself sobbing in my car after a surprise thought of my mother (she's been dead almost 11 years) and I wonder where all the emotion was hiding.


I think when you think back on tragic memories and heartache it is never easy. I think I have found through life that forgiveness is the key to it all. When you have never truly forgiven or been forgiven, you don't really know how to go through all of the painful steps, but once you do, it is the best tool in life. The forgiving of your Father's act, the forgiveness of any resentment and sadness towards the "loss" of a friend, even though she is just across the way. Those little sadnesses can build into resentments making it harder to forgive the consequences from the little to the big happenings in life. The forgiveness slowly takes the sting away from it all, even though the "ton of bricks" moments will always blind side us now and again, forgiveness takes the place of imperfect humanity. {hugs}

Rachel Greig

Wow Cath, it's understandable why you'd be having a hard day today.

Today is the 6th here, and about lunch time I realized it's the 10th anniversary of my father-in-laws death. He died only 6 weeks before I married his son. I always tend to remember the 6th, but I don't prepare for it. It tends to hit me like a ton of bricks too. I have no idea how you could prepare for it - I sometimes think if you 'expected' to be sad for the whole day, then you will be. But if you let it creep up on you, then whatever emotion comes out is true and heartfelt, no matter if it's sadness for who's gone, or perhaps happiness to celebrate the person you once knew. I don't know, it's hard.

As for Stacy, that's worth crying about too :) She'll be missed!

Dawn McVey (dawnsing)

Oh Cath, I'm so sorry that yesterday was such a hard day for you. I'll be praying for you, that today will be a better day and that those difficult anniversaries that you face will become easier, and will become a great opportunity for you to celebrate those lives and the time you shared, rather than to be sad about their being gone.


Hi Cath,
Just thinking about you and wanted you to know. I think it is so sweet that you have the type of connections with these special people that you do---that is so important, and it does leave a hole when things change and they aren't where they always have been and should remain---I am the same way and always have the hardest time picking up and moving on when they are so important to me. I think you're wonderful and anyone would be so lucky to have you as their friend---you are as loyal and loving as they come and I wish we could all have a friend like you.
Hope you have a better day today.

Stefanie Hamilton

Oh Cath, I'm so sorry about all of this. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I wanted you to know that we all care about you and we're with you.

Jennafer M

My friend Ann always says grief has "pockets" - you'll be trotting along, feeling fine, and then all of a sudden you hit a pocket and that sadness hits you out of no where... It is so true. I think the more deep the pain, the more pockets tend to be a bit intense. Hugs to you and lots of warmth. And I'm always here to talk if you need an ear...

susan stringfellow

Cath - I read your story and I am very glad to know that I am not alone in that kind of a feeling. I am about to hit the anniv of losing my dad too, and because of the sudden shock and other events around it, I sometimes have a time like you are encountering. It's all of it rolled into one big ball of discomfort. Four years seems like 20 and yesterday at the same time.

You are lucky to have such a great circle of friends in your workplace so that you miss them rather than wanting to throw a party. LOL!
Hugs my friend!



I just came upon your blog through Nichole Heady's over at Papertrey Ink. I know exactly what you are going through. I too have lost someone to suicide - my son. He was 14 years old and it has only been two years. I am at a loss for what to do when the date comes around, I usually take a few minutes in the morning, bury my head in my pillow and scream out loud. Then I crawl to the shower and cry for a while. By then I am ready to face what they day has in store for me. For the past two years, our family and close friends all gather at his favorite restaurant "Cheesecake Factory" and share a meal and of course dessert. Everyone brings a favorite memory of Logan that I have made into a memory book. Funny that I usually can find a picture in the milk crate stash that I could never seem to scrap when he was with us to go along with a few of the memories. And as of yet, all the memories have been different. But the weight of the day approaches heavy and I don't see that ever changing. Please know that you are in my thoughts.

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