A Strange but Blissful Morning Alone

My man is on a lengthy bike ride, leaving me to my own devices this morning in beautiful Sun Valley, Idaho.

There are seemingly a million perfectly wonderful options ahead of me:

• Go for a walk around the impeccable resort in the cool sunshine
• Walk to town with Dell and boot up with ease as Ketchum is completely wireless, catching up on my feeds, searching websites in order to investigate what all we can do here in the next five days, or even playing a bit of Sudoku
• Hike the mountain across the street
• Read my book (I settled for the book I need to have read for my next book club meeting, I know myself well enough to know that I have to prioritize what I read because if I don't the book club book probably won't get read at all, although many of your suggestions are now waiting in the wings, eager for a look-see)
• Work out in the resort's ample exercise room
• Play tennis (which I've never really played in my life, but hey, we're just counting options here and there are seemingly dozens of tennis courts here)
• Sit by the pool and work on the tan I haven't ever really wanted because I've never desired to look older than I already am

But friends, of all those appealing options, what I most wanted to do is blog (which is being used as a verb here and notice I didn't choose to use the word write, the difference being that in this case when I write I do it just for myself in the pages of a journal and when I blog I do it in my Typepad account for an audience.) I am a bit surprised about this myself. You'd think that vacation means unplugging from everyone and everything, disconnecting ourselves from the routines of our lives. Oh sure, getting away from the trials of work, the responsibilities of the house and the yard, and the day-to-day mundane that can seem so utterly uninspiring is the goal, but why would I want to detach myself from an activity that brings me so much joy? 

There's so much I want to tell you about! About how different it is that Mark is on a bike ride leaving me here alone to do whatever I want. These week-to-ten-day-long vacations used to be what Mark and I lived for, what our relationship depended upon. Because when we married, our family was built-in, and Mark and I never got to experience that alone period, the years of just-the-two-of-us, getting to know one another without the complications of child-rearing. So, when the girls would go away to visit their dad for a few weeks every summer, we would get out of Dodge, an attempt to capture some of that precious aloneness exploring all kinds of places like Boulder, Colorado and Rocky Mountain National Park; the entire Oregon coast in two different trips; Jackson, Wyoming and the Grand Tetons; the San Juan Islands; Kallispell, Montana and Glacier National Park; Bryce Canyon National Park in Utah; and the wine country of Sonoma County, California to name just a few of the highlights. Our particular brand of marriage needed these romantic get-aways in which we were literally attached at the hip.

This is what it means to have an empty nest. Everything shifts. When the kids lived at home, we put family time above couples time both of which came before individual time. Now that family time is out of the picture on a daily basis, individual time has moved up a notch in both availability and importance. And because I have done a lot of work grieving the loss of family time, I am now able to happily embrace the gift of individual time that has been granted me now that my role of everyday mom has been fulfilled.  It has changed everything, so it only makes sense that this would extend into how Mark and I vacation together.  And though it is different, it is a new kind of wonderful, and I'm feeling like a really lucky girl to be able to embrace it.

How much alone time, family time, and/or couples time do you have right now? (You certainly don't have to be married with children in order to answer that question.) If you could do it differently, what would you change? Are you getting enough of each? Too much of some? Not enough of another? Where are you on the spectrum of time for yourself, and if you were faced with a morning alone on vacation in the desitnation of your dreams, what would you do with it? I'd just love to hear your answers!

And speaking of time alone--thanks, blogfriend, for spending a little bit of yours with me today!

Comments

[Melissa]

Hey blog lady!
I can't believe you're in Sun valley--one of my most favorite places to visit as a kid--isn't it amazingly beautiful there---now I want to return.
Sounds like your are truly in your element and relaxing---so happy for you.
My little family thrives on alone time, and not everyone understands our need for it---but each week we HAVE to unplug from the rest of life and shut ourselves in to just be with each other---we may not have a thing to do, but we just need to be together and connect in that important way---then we're off and running again.
Enjoy your wonderful break.
Melis

[Wendy J-]

Hi there, Cath!
So happy for you and glad you made it to Sun Valley safe and sound. I grew up just a short drive away and it truly is a slice of heaven, isn't it? Have a splendid week as you truly deserve this little break!
Wendy

[travelinoma]

I loved the overflowing nest, but I am loving the empty nest, too. I'm six years into it, and I have learned to do so many new things. Interests seem to multiply and I can't fit in all the books I want to read.

We've always traveled a lot as a couple, and, like you, we needed that time to bond and remember who we were underneath our role as parents. Now, we often split up for the day, or at least for a few hours, each pursuing our individual interests.

I was once advised to enjoy the present. If you spend your time dreaming of the future, you'll always look at your past with regret. I'm glad I had fun being the mom all those years, but it's fun to rediscover my self!

This was a great topic!

[Dawn McVey (dawnsing)]

Hi Cath! Enjoy your vacation....so happy to hear that you're getting some R&R!!

Bart and I have a great mix of couple time and alone time. In the fall/winter months, his hobby is reffing high school football & high school and college basketball, so during those months he's gone quite a bit in the evenings which gives him time to do what he loves and gives me time to some things that I love too. But we sure do treasure our together time....it's the best!

[celeste rockwood-jones]

i LOVE sun valley, and i have to admit i would've chosen tennis... but lucky for us you're not me and therefore we get to enjoy a moment of your beautiful thoughts, a lovely vacation in and of itself.

[rae]

Sounds like a wonderful vacation Cath, hope you enjoy every ounce of it.

I have plenty of 'alone' time now that my third baby has joined his brother and sister in elementary school... I haven't figured out what to do with myself yet since I haven't been without a child in tow for the past ten years! Family time? Tons of it, since we moved 600+ miles away from our extended family and friends, all we have here is the five of us. Couples time? Once a year (sad but true), for our anniversary, when my parents come down to visit and watch the kids for us.
A morning alone, in a destination of my dreams... I'm envisioning a balcony or screened in porch, a good long book, and a cozy quilt.
Enjoy your R&R!

[Stefanie Hamilton]

Alone time? I don't know what those words mean. ;-)

We take a family vacation every year, but Mike and I also take separate trips - I go to CHA, and he goes to Wyoming to go fly fishing. Sadly, since CHA is moving far away next year, it doesn't look like that's an option for me anymore, so maybe I'll just take my trip to a spa.

[susan stringfellow]

Thank you for your thoughts on empty nesting. I married a man with 3 tiny boys so we never had alone time either, rare times on those weekends, but we still have never once had a vacation alone. I am a bit nervous about the empty nesting but some days I just cant wait. Alex is a junior so its not long now. I appreciate your encouraging thoughts. :)