an open book ask me any question and I will answer even the one about what happened to me in the basement across the street when I was 8.
a dreamer I'd love to be a real writer before that a teacher before that a clarinet player in an orchestra before that a concert violinist but always a real writer.
an orchestrator of schedules I need to be in control of the Calendar and if someone plans something without me knowing like a gig over Labor Day weekend when we could have planned something else it will be hard for me to let go of but I will.
scared to death that someone else I love will also die in a car accident to the point where I could hardly even be in the car when my girls learned how to drive to the point where I made them so nervous I was banned from their learning and don't even talk to me about scooters or motorcycles don't even talk to me about those because it all can end when you're broadsided on a busy road in a dune buggy with no doors.
a magazine editor who wants to be environmentally sustainable how do you live with yourself when something you are paid to produce eats up all those trees?
in constant criticism of myself saying why don't you do this better or that differently or you could have done that in fewer steps why don't you work on that for next time constantly chattering on inside my head every waking minute of every living day making me a perfectionist which is one of my best qualities except for all the chatter it produces in my head and the sometimes annoyance it causes my family and possibly my co-workers.
a person who has struggled with depression from time to time but less since I've been married to Mark because he grounds me in the here and now instead of in the what could have been.
someone whose heart breaks when I see photos from the past and so I never look at them except lately when I've been writing in this blog so maybe this is the portal I need to let the past in without always feeling pain and loss like the shifting unexpected changes that happen in life, in my life, like divorce, and suicide, and best friends being killed in dune buggies right before high school graduation not to mention the growing up and away of your children right before your very eyes which bottom line means you are getting older let's face it sometimes that alone is entirely too much to bear so no wonder the photos prove difficult.
more likely to choose the role of follower than of leader though I'd like to be the leader which are two entirely different things altogether.
an optimist always looking at the bright side and giving the benefit of the doubt just ask Mark he'll tell you what a die-hard optimist I can be in spite of the evidence in front of me but optimists live longer I tell him so better to be blissfully optimistic about the things I can control than pessimistically mired in the truth of what I can't.
a seeker of truth through the written word as in I can't read nearly enough and there are so many books in the world just waiting to be read and pondered and discussed and so many things to do in between like writing this post.
I am.
Comments